Date Published: December 22, 2022
Time Published: 10:13 am
Theme: Denial, Love
Category: Poetry
No matter how hard I tried to understand--
I could never comprehend why I felt this way for you!
Why did it seem like you always fell into my view?
I never knew, but screw you!
I wasn't supposed to feel this way,
I wasn't supposed to be in love, so I tried to push you away!
I refused to accept what was possibly true–
Because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to accept the hard truth.
The hard truth was that I had no chance with you,
The hard truth was that you would never love me too.
My Lord, it was all too much to handle!
I loathed this feeling so much.
Why did I feel this icky feeling of love?
This feeling was like the flame of a candle–
Unpredictable for it could be weak or strong.
But it burnt through me like the fiery pits of hell, it was wrong.
Your heart belonged to someone else,
It was never mine to keep!
And yet I insisted myself that you'd turn to me.
I gave myself that hope, to at least have some comfort to keep.
This feeling was so icky,
I hated how it made me feel so vulnerable.
What's more, it made me lose sight of myself,
And that "icky" feeling always left me in tears.
Who was I to lower my pride to accept my emotions?
Why should I, when I never even wanted the satisfaction?
The satisfaction of finally liking someone,
The satisfaction of pathetic puppy love!
Yes, that was who I was;
A loveless boy who didn't care for the cheesy emotions in himself.
But maybe that was because he refused to accept them.
Though, I ceased to understand my emotions.
I hated every part of it!
The confusion was palpable and the frustration was astronomical!
Moreover, nothing about it to me was understandable!
Such an icky and disgusting feeling that it was comical.
But even more, I hated you,
I hated you for making me feel this way,
I hated you for entering my life–
And whenever I saw you with them, I couldn't stay in motion.
For I always stood frozen in my spot,
Trying to comprehend what I was feeling.
Was it anger? Sadness? Denial?
Or was it me just feeling envious?
What I would give to stop liking you...
I wanted no part of it!
I could give a thousand excuses as to why I didn't like you,
But none could ever clash with the hard truth.
Image Source: https://images.app.goo.gl/c5vZYt5eMD9qhB386
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