𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗬: “Love in Different Sides” by Shia Ilexia Ampaso and Reniza Manalaysay

Layout by: Samantha Olazo 

Published by: Sarah Belamide

Date Published: October 9, 2023

Time Published: 3:59 PM 

Category: Poetry

Subject: Fear of Love but in two Different Perspective

It's not the thought of you leaving 

that scares me.

It's not the warmth-less bed 

I'd wake up to in the morning.

The memories may linger a while longer, 

but that's not it either.

𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 

𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘴. 

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘐 𝘷𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦, 

𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.

I dread making myself coffee every morning,

without a second cup waiting for it to steam.

I fear eating alone in the dining,

and not wondering why I am no longer smiling.

I'd hate to be accustomed to the silence of my dream,

living in a silent fantasy where life used to be.

Sparkles are as terrifying as they can be,

but losing the spark, that will kill me.

𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘹, 

𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘵.

𝘐 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦,

𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦. 

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘺,

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘦

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘦,

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦,

𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘥.

I caved. Conceded. Surrendered.

The very fragment of me,

that clings to the satin sheets—

amidst the casually thrown out clothes;

the version of me that dread

the way my heart would drop from my sleeve,

and be deaf to the fallen beat—

that terrifies me.

𝘐𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘺,

𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦.

𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵,

𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵.

𝘐𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨? 

𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨?

But to lose the height of a warming heart seems so empty,

without love to give, how can I be me?