Published by: Lean Miguel Tizon
Date Published: August 9, 2024
Time Published: 3:42 PM
Category: Prose
Theme: Overcoming unhealthy relationship with food through love.
Today was another productive day and to finish this off, I bought myself a little sweet treat. It's a small slice of chocolate cake, just enough for me to finish, and a cup of an iced latte. I could've spent the money for a bus fare to get home quickly, but I didn’t and it's fine. I didn't think of it as a waste of money; not even an ounce of guilt was felt. All because someone taught me not to.
To be frank, I didn't know what hunger was like. For me, back then, I thought hunger meant when I start feeling sick everywhere. The prickling pain that I felt in my stomach was worth a thousand needles, making me tremble. Unlike the usual growling sound, the hollow-feeling in their stomach that most knew, this is the idea of hunger I was particular with. Sounds ridiculous isn't it? But coming from someone who once hated food— a glass of water, an oxygen to inhale, a phone to help me distract with, and a nice mattress that will help me curl my body in case I feel some pain is enough for me to endure pain for hours.
And no, it’s not like I don’t eat anything at all, I used to take a few bites and call it a day. Before I could, I would stare first and watch how each grain fell out from the spoon. Lifeless. Bland. Foul. Those were the words that crossed my mind before it entered my mouth, forcing down what was supposed to nourish me.
Meanwhile, I used to ask myself this question: why do I resent a meal that much? Is it because no matter what I eat, it won’t fill the void that my stomach has, just like how empty my soul feels like? Or is it because my life is already dense enough, would I still do the same to the corners of the walls of my intestines?
Until him. It never once occurred to me that eating could be enjoyable again, until I met him. The meal he first bought for us to share was the best thing I've ever consumed in my entire being. No tension, no force, not even a heave of sigh— just a girl who’s starting to appreciate food again. For the first time, none complained how slow I munch every bite, but rather someone who admires how I’m doing well.
I finally got to finish and got full without an inch of regret, without the urge to throw up. Got me savoring every component that was put there. Differentiate what salty and sweet is, as it alters my entire taste buds alive. At last, a meal never remained bland no more. The moment he brought back my appetite, the moment I started to feel alive again.
A small piece of candy was given, a token for finishing my meal, he said. As I looked at his eyes, sucked on the candy he gave, the bitterness turned sour, the sourness turned sweet, and that sweetness.. is what he’s become to me and my being today. A sweet treat, indeed. So much fuss over a sweet treat. Thanks to him, a sweet treat finally tastes sweet. A vibrant, fruitful sweetness, unlike the lifelessness I used to know, and I know I can never stop making fuss about it.
I can’t wait to get home and tell him about the latte I had today and how every sip reminded me of the joy he brought back into my life. It's a small moment, but it's the one I want to share with the person who made my stomach feel its warmth again.
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