Published by: Lean Miguel Tizon
Date Published: September 9, 2024
Time Published: 12:16 PM
Category: Prose
Theme: Imagining the things you could've done to your loved one if you're different
To the man I am not, I hope you learn how to play guitar, so both of you can bond on different melodies with the same rhythm of your heart. I hope you know how to adjust the tune of it, following with your voice that shall always be calm like a shared lullaby between generations of families. It shall caress their intangible soul and detangle the chains of unwanted thoughts living rent-free in their heads.
The celestial body that you are loving flows around music; the physical body it owns dives around the notes, like dolphins into the deep and bursting up for a show. The laughs—it will be like your first favourite music that you've heard around the hall. Maybe it was playing on a random mall, and you talked yourself into remembering its tune, trying to search it in google by humming it out loud.
You would want to hear every ounce of its beat; know its every lyric; you will look for it no matter what. And one day, you will hear it again, and you knew that this time, you'll find whatever it is, whatever value it is holding. You are a man; you are strong enough to defend yourself, and I am not. So go and take the long walks at night, and not worry if the moon has collided with the dark. You'll get home safe with the jokes and moments replaying in your head. Embrace the loud nights with them that I'm unable to attend, for the states, years ago, decided that the body I have shall remain inside their so-called safe den.
You know the routine; you'll enter 7-11 while laughing and repeatedly asking each other what you're going to buy and eat. You'll look at the names of foods and products displayed, hoping to find a joke that will make you hear your favourite song again. You'll be able to meet their friends without having the label of being less than a lover. It will be no judgement; it'll be rather the pure praise and purity of a teenager's raging warmth that can pull them into your forbearing arms. And no, it wouldn't be weird to see both of your mortal bodies sealing the promises with a kiss on the hand. It's not like two reeves hiding their beautifully colored tails to avoid the male gaze.
It will be counted as sweet in front of their family if you ever bring some "pares" on a rainy day. You can enjoy it while sharing the movies you've loved even before knowing each other. You'll receive some invitations to go and watch both of your favourite bands, watching the people bang their heads over some rock music as they unknowingly, subconsciously, gradually rock your world and heart. You would've loved some horror films during movie nights, for the screams will only make them scoot over into your warmly waiting arms.
It wouldn't be weird to step into their house; you'll actually have the audacity to greet people inside, one by one. They will accept you with an open heart and mind; they will joke about the family you could make, and I want you to fulfil the indirect promises you've made in between the chuckles. For you are a man with the capabilities of carrying the happiness and bringing it to the future you've shared. Something that the powers of a lass like me wouldn't be able to succeed in.
To the man I am not, you should learn how to comb their hair with your unpolished nails, opposite to mine. It should always be gentle and kind. We'll have different curves in our bodies, and yours can be used to protect them from the harm lingering around. You will not need to shout for people to know how to respect your boundaries; the man you are will be greeted properly. You do not need my feminine voice to scream for them to stop criticizing the way your heart beats.
To the man I am not, and to the man I will never be as long as I am born standing and breathing in a woman's body. I grew up learning what feminism is and adapted how to be part of it; I've accepted every sexuality that's possibly existing. I firmly believe there's everyone's equality, but I think it'd be easier for my dear to be in someone's masculine arms. For the only thing that could go wrong is breaking each other's hearts, and not the way you are building each other in a way you two can only understand—the monet kind of art.
IMAGE SOURCE:
Hahasleepy. (2024, April 28). His hand>. Pinterest. https://pin.it/48At7w90L
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