Published by: Aira Lindsay L. Dela Cruz
Date published: June 3, 2022
Time published: 3:38 pm
Category: Short Prose
Theme: List making before dying, trigger warning: mention of death, self harm
Synopsis: Rina; a 16 year old girl who was tired of her dull life and was ready to be dead anytime, was asked by her friend, Lili, to make a list of what she wanted to do before she dies.
I couldn’t sleep.
It had been hours since I tried sleeping. I tried different ways and yet, none of them worked. I tried counting; I tried listening to music; I also imagined fake scenarios in my head! I tried everything! But as much as possible, I was preventing myself from thinking of...dying or harming myself...however, I was, once again, thinking about my life.
I was tired.
But I didn’t want to think about anything that would hurt me or anyone around me. So I picked up my phone from the side table to check the time and messages. It was already 2:33 in the morning. I unlocked my phone to see if there were any messages from my friends, and I was right. There was one message from my friend, Lili.
From: rupokz
"Saaaab, can I ask? What do you want to do before you die? Like a list hehez. I want to write it down for future purposes, emz."
11:10pm.
To: rupokz
"None, just die straight away. Jk. Let me think about it."
Sent at 2:35am.
I stood up and went to my table.
What I wanted to do before I die?
When I peeked out my window, I knew exactly what I wanted to write.
Before I die, please allow me to stargaze.
I wanted to experience stargazing with someone special to me. I wanted the both of us to look at the telescope and talk about the night sky.
Also, I wanted to see the stars for the last time before I die. I wanted to remember how peaceful the world was every night. I wanted to remind myself that after a long tiring day, there was peace.
Before I die, please let’s watch and enjoy the sunset or sunrise.
The sky had always been my favorite. It was pleasing to see. It was beautiful. Sunset proved to us that not all goodbyes were unlovely and as the sun rise, there was always a new beginning for you to start your life without me.
Before I die, please let me travel alone to New Zealand.
New Zealand was my dream destination. I wanted to travel alone and enjoy myself for the last time. I wanted to feel the freedom.
Before I die, please let me read your eulogy.
Before I die, I wanted to read my friends’ eulogy. I didn’t want you to read your letter that I wouldn’t be able to hear because obviously, I was six feet under. I wanted to read what you think of me as a whole person.
Before I die, I wanted to have a tattoo of a semicolon
A remembrance that I survived.
As well as saying that even if I died, my story would not end there. The memories would forever stay and my love for them as well.
As I finished writing, I realized that I could do many things while I was still alive. I still wanted to spend time with my family and friends. All along, I wanted someone to understand me; I wanted to be heard; I just wanted to rest for a moment.
I was and I would still be tired, yes, but silly me, I just wanted to find my rest in this tiring world.
No comments:
Post a Comment