𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗬: "To the writer who’s losing her will to write" by Ley Anne Caringal

 

Published by: Faith Villaluna

Date Published: June 2, 2023

Time Published: 10:17 AM

Category: Prose

Theme: Self Reflection

Recently, I find it hard to write an opening sentence to any prompt I could think of. If you would tell me a few months ago that I can’t think of an opening sentence, I would not believe you. I always have something in mind and I know how to start a prose or a poem.

But today is different.

I looked at my laptop screen. For the past few hours, I have been stuck on the first sentence. I knew deep down that I was losing my will to write. It didn’t feel like a hobby or passion anymore. I am not enjoying it unlike before. It now felt like an obligation, not a motivation. There are too many thoughts lingering in my mind.

Can I still write?

Maybe I’m not talented enough… Maybe I don’t deserve the position anymore.

Maybe I should stop.

There are too many prompts inside my head but I can’t bring myself to write a starting line. Maybe I could write about lovers but what about them? Oh! How about accepting flaws and unwanted scars? Aw, I can’t find any correct terms. Aha! How about breaking up? Hmm, break up again? Hmm, how about I write something connected to myself? Like how I’m losing my energy to do anything… at all.

I wanted to cry. I want to let everything out. I was tired and couldn't think of anything anymore. It’s hard. I couldn’t push myself any further. I know that this is all I can do. I was tired, I couldn't find the will to write, I had so many things on my plate, and I am tired of trying. I am so out of ideas that I wanted to let go of everything for me to finally breathe.

I asked myself: what happened to me?

I’m not like this. I need to write. Need to write not want.

But why am I pushing myself too much? I can write when I feel like it. I can write when I want to. I don’t need to force myself. I have my own timeline. I have no idea what happened to me but I do need a rest.

Every writer deserves a rest.

Let yourself rest and don’t push yourself too much. You have so many things to do and pushing yourself to do something you’re good at before does not make it any less heavy and it does not make you a better person. You are letting yourself be pulled to a place where you do things unlovingly with the hobbies and passion you used to like.

Rest and write whenever you’re ready.