𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗬: “The Bloodshed In This Life is Invisible” by Mary Elizabeth D. Luzon

Layout by: Chrisian Jaira Barles

Published by: Hannah Rondaris

Date Published: March 10, 2024

Time Published: 10:13 AM

Category: Prose

Theme: The perspective of people who are the object of people’s jealousy

I can’t be humble because I am a liar. I can’t be egotistical because I am big-headed. The line is thin and I’ve walked on a needle for the years I've known. A part of me remembers the shattering drops of responsibility and expectation; part of me just sees the smile. The beauty of my eyes is that I am blind when I need to be and my ears are deaf when I am supposed to be. Whispers in hallways and glances from the dark, I turn away like a man in the battlefield. I don’t see destruction. I’m not supposed to. I’m supposed to look at the sky and let the sun burn my eyes. How else would I know I have succeeded?

Success would be like Icarus and the sun. Or Orpheus and Eurydice. Or the rib that Adam gave to Earth’s first sinner. It was, in all good intentions or high hopes. But their names are written in their blood. People call for their names with judgment. There’s nothing worse than your name being called, I would guess. Because either the response would be “𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳” or “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳?”. Your tales are full of your mistakes. And what you want—what you truly want—I could never give. So what is it? Should I be worse to be your stepping stool or better for you to throw your shoes at? And I wish you did. Throw your shoes, I mean. I’d heal with a band aid but your words would need my mind to be erased. So when they call me—and they do—I’d rather expect a knife than a murmur.

So if, and if, I could choose another life for this one forsaken me, I would be deaf, blind, and stabbed in the back. I’d take the world’s greatest pain and endure war. Because here, I can’t fight you. You can’t fight me either. We’ve danced with each other and you berate me for holding your hand wrong or stepping too far from you. In another life, and in that life, I would sharpen your blade and I’ll present my neck to you. Hurt me. Hurt me as you did in this life as I see almost no difference. Take away mortal pain once with a swift slash. The blood, and only then in that life, would be red.

IMAGE SOURCE:

588ku, (2018, February 13). Girl Series Beautiful Girl Closed Eyes [image]. pngtree. https://pngtree.com/.../girl-series-beautiful-girl-closed...