Layout by: Samantha Kier Olazo
Published by: Sarah Belamide
Date Published: March 9, 2024
Time Published: 3:00 PM
Category: Prose
Theme: The restlessness that grows along with you.
It starts off small, as do most things. A random thought,a random question— “What are you gonna do when you grow older?”
Harmless, right? And time passes just like that, with a small, harmless question in your mind every now and then.
And then it happens. You grow older. Horrifically, it grows with you. It’s not just a small question you can shrug off now. You have to have an answer, and you actually have to make good on your answer. So, it’s not just small now, but it’s not a big deal either, right? It’s not like there’s a wrong answer.
Oh, oh no. There is. It reminds you that you need to answer, you need to answer well. The wrong answer will cost you everything, everything you’ve worked for, everything you have to your name.
It’s knocking on your door. It demands answers, correct ones. Not flimsy excuses to satiate it, in fact, nothing ever will. Nothing will satiate it. You have to hurry.
With every second passing by, every birthday candle you blow out, every blinking moment, it grows with you. The knocks are getting louder, the door is shaking. look at that, you’re shaking too.
You hear the knob turn, screws creak as the door opens, slightly.
You risk a peek at the door. And you see the most terrifying sight yet. It’s bigger than you now. It has more thoughts, more questions. You hear it ask: “What if you fail? Are you doing the right thing? Are you sure that everything will be okay?” It has a point, you realize. You’re not sure of anything, failing is entirely possible, and suddenly it becomes glaringly obvious.
You can’t answer its questions, you’re not prepared. You’ve been running from it for this exact reason. You have no idea what to do, what’s right or wrong, what will fail, and what will bear fruit. That’s bad isn’t it? Your life is gonna go to waste because you know nothing, and you can’t do anything but watch as you crumble. You don’t want that, but, how– what can you even do to save it? This is bad, bad, bad, so bad, terrible, you’re going to fail—
You’re brought back to reality.
You look around. It’s your 18th birthday, isn’t that nice? You have so much to look forward to. You have your friends, and your family, and everything is peaceful. They bring you your cake, with a single candle lit up. You smile, preparing to blow it out. You lean down and close your eyes, hands clasped together, inhale— then blow out your candle. Everyone claps, giving you their warm wishes and congratulations. Everything is peaceful. Then,
A rattle. What was that? You look around, trying to find the source of the disturbance. Ah, there’s a door behind you. It’s.. shaking? Why would it—
There it is. You’re faced with its familiar shadow, once again. You really can’t escape, can you?
It asks you again, “What are you gonna do now that you’ve grown older?”
IMAGE SOURCE:
Stone, K. (n.d.). A delicious raspberry filled cake. Pinterest. https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/5277724557781666/
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