Published by: Marino Peralta
Date Published: October 17, 2024
Time Published: 1:00 PM
Category: Prose
Theme: The quiet, unspoken mental exhaustion of an older sister
Being an older sister feels like being a long-suffering knight—as if you’re someone who took up the sword and wore the armor without ever really being asked.
It's a role that’s been engraved into your very existence, a responsibility with no end, even when you’re beyond exhausted.
At first, it felt like an honor, something noble and admirable. But, as time went on, the once-shining armor has faded, and now it feels more like a burden than a privilege. The weight grows heavier, pressing down on you in ways you can't let anyone else witness.
You’re so incredibly tired. Drained beyond physical exhaustion. It’s a kind of fatigue that comes from the constant need to be strong, to hold everything together. The fatigue of always having to set an example—be the reliable one, the one who listens, the one who knows what to do.
The unspoken expectations follow your every step like a shadow, and there’s no escape, no moment where you can simply let it go.
Your sibling may have said something to you—just a passing remark, nothing meant to cut deep. But it did. And in that brief moment, you longed to be laid to rest.
Not in a morbid way, but in the kind of way where everything is motionless and serene. You pictured yourself sinking into the soft, warm earth, and the idea of being free from everything felt strangely sweet. But you can’t. You never really can.
Because your duty is for life. It’s not something you can pull away from, even when you want to. And life is unending. There’s always something—some new challenge, some new person to care for, some new burden to carry. It stretches out before you like a long road you are bound to walk, and no matter how much you ache, you keep going. You keep putting one foot in front of the other because, deep down, you understand you have to.
And it’s strange because no one else can see the weight you carry. To others, it might seem like you have everything under control. You’re dependable, strong, and always there when you’re needed. But inside, there’s a deep weariness that only develops with time.
It isn’t that you resent the people you care for—how could you? You love them deeply, in a way that makes the exhaustion worth it. But love doesn’t erase the tiredness. It doesn’t lighten the load.
So you go on, like the knight you’ve turned into, always on guard, always ready to face whatever threat comes next.
There’s no end to the battle, no moment where you can lay down your sword. And sometimes, when no one’s around to witness and stars grace the dark sky, you wonder how much longer you can keep it up. But you already know the answer. You’ll keep going as long as it takes, because that’s what you do. It’s what you’ve always done.
Maybe you’ll never let yourself say it out loud, but sometimes you wonder if there’s a point where you can finally rest.
If there’s a moment when you can take off the armor, even just for a while. But actually, you know you’ll always put it on again when you need to, but the thought of that brief release brings you so much comfort.
Because being an older sister isn’t something you chose, but it is what you’re for. Bound by duty, by love, by an unspoken promise to protect. And though life is eternal, so too is your quiet strength, even when you feel it chipping away.
No comments:
Post a Comment