Date published: March 24, 2022
Time published: 12:50 PM
Classification: Prose
Theme: Frustration of Beauty
Synopsis: Maria expresses her frustration about her "beautiful" appearance and how it affects her and the relationship she has with her parents.
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I am not exactly sure how to start this. But I suppose an introduction and a background would be appropriate. My name is Maria. I’m a young twenty-four-year-old woman. People often describe me as "beautiful" or "gorgeous". While I do not mind compliments, I do get quite uncomfortable sometimes.
Ever since I was a little girl, it has been my goal to join the military, like my father. But my parents have always been against the idea. Because of my gender and beauty, they wanted me to take on a beauty job such as modeling or acting. They believed this was best for their daughter because of how much money and fame I could achieve with my appearance. Thus they were very against my ambition.
They believed that I was wasting my looks, and I wanted to take on a job suited for a man. They always expected and pushed me to act like a "proper" lady and never do things "men" do. They wanted their daughter to be a woman, for her to be much more graceful than a princess. Hence, serving the military was an automatic no.
But of course, I was far too stubborn to listen, hell I didn't listen to them at all. Here I am now. I am an adult and an active service member of the military. My parents were outraged and questioned why a beautiful woman like myself would take on a rigorous job like the military.
It wasn't the first time somebody questioned me, and it surely wasn't going to be the last.
Everywhere I went, I received similar comments.
"Damn, you are exquisite! Why did you choose to become a soldier? You would be a spectacular model with that body and face!"
People would always say how I was better off as a fashion model or an actress instead of a soldier. This comment always bothered me because I felt as if people only acknowledged me for my appearance and not my personality or skills. Because of this, I found it hard to find a man of my standards.
I have always wanted to love someone who loves me not for my appearance but for my personality. One who will look past my beauty and love me for my character and nature. Not one who just fell in love with me for how I look.
I admit I do sometimes take advantage of this fact. But other than that, I do yearn for a man capable of my standards. My parents think that I could easily win the heart of a wealthy man using my looks, and they pushed me towards dates with random men that were potential "lovers" for me.
But who the hell did they think they were? Some men I went on dates with even offered me money to be with me, proving that even if they didn't have my love, at least they had my body and that I was with them. At some point, after refusing to go on a date, my parents rebuked me about how I was being "ungrateful" when they were trying to do what was best for us and for myself, and that was to make me date a powerful and wealthy man for me to have a "bright" future.
I snapped and yelled at them to leave me and my love life alone. I expressed that they didn't care about me at all, and all that mattered to them was what they wanted. We had a heated argument that night, and I exited by angrily storming out of their house. That was when I began being more distant from them to the point where I considered cutting them off from my life entirely because of how they treated me growing up.
I was seventeen when this all happened.
Look, my mother or father is not what I would consider "bad" or "abusive" parents. They were always there for me as a child. The two just raised me on the wrong set of beliefs that I heavily disagreed with growing up. Hence why we didn't support each other. We all wanted different things for me, which led to everyday arguments between us.
I wanted to join the military and love a man who loves me for how I am, and they wanted me to take advantage of my appearance and date a wealthy gentleman. But I decided to not cut off from them.
Do I hate them? At some point, I might succumb to those feelings. But as of now, I still think of them as the parents who raised me. They didn't disown or give up on me despite our disagreements and disputes.
I do wish we could have been closer and understood each other. We disagreed on many things, but that doesn't mean we couldn't have built a stable relationship. So why didn't we? Well, I like to look at it as though none of us was willing to do so. So, both parties were at fault.
My parents and I were all adamant about our decisions and desires, so we weren't willing to try or consider each other's wishes. Hence why we never understood each other in the end. I was young and stubborn, while my parents thought they were doing what was best for me.
I believe if we all could have just sat down and spoken like a civilized and healthy family, then perhaps we could have come to terms with each other. But I also believe that it is far too late for all that. Even if we haven't cut each other off from our lives, we are far too remote now, and I am focusing more on myself.
I doubt they will ever change their beliefs, but I won't mind as long as they don't bother me anymore. Do I think they intended to use me to lift their status? I doubt it. They were flawed parents, but they weren't monsters. They just wanted what they believed was best for me.
They had good intentions and wanted a bright future for me, but they never considered how that upbringing would affect me.
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