𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗬: "On Existing and Loving (From a Catholic School Girl's POV)" By Samantha Apalit

Published by: Gabrielle Vergara

Date Published: November 10, 2022

Time Published: 11:28 AM

Category: Poetry

Theme: Religious Guilt, Queerness

Back then, catholic school taught you that

women were made from the rib of men.

Just like the writings on your school desk,

there was a space carved for you on a man.

Without a man, you were worthless.

Without a man, you had a missing rib.

On the edge of your bed, you pray—

Lord, where is he?

With your knees on the floor, you beg;

Lord, please complete me.

You were younger then.

You knew so little then.

The prayers you wrote,

and the burdens you carried–

They kept coming back to 

men and men and men.

But you couldn't come back to them,

and you couldn't accept that either.

Because you were told you were made for men.

Because you were told you existed for men.

But now, there’s a girl on your bed,

who lays softer than your duvets,

and smells nicer

than your laundry detergent.

And suddenly,

your whole worth is defined

by the empty space 

of where you used to lay beside her.

Your skin only feels real

where it meets her fingertips,

and when she says your name

like mumbled prayers in the night.

You were told that you couldn't exist

without a man.

You were told that–without a man,

you would never be whole.

But when she kisses you softly, 

you know you exist.

And when she holds the flesh above your ribs

you could never feel more complete.