Published by: Aliyah Margareth Imbat
Date Published: February 23, 2023
Time Published: 12:32 PM
Category: Prose
Theme: Reminiscing, Guilt
Synopsis: I know, I moved on. But I still miss the warm feeling of home when I'm with you.
Valentine’s Day, A day where people get gifts from loved ones, or secret admirers. It's a wonderful day for most people but for some, it's rather the opposite. A handful of people didn't get such lovely presents or fond memories they can share, but instead, they got a broken heart, a numb feeling and even a lost loved one. Lily was one of those people. Lily treated February 14th like any other normal day. She didn't see the purpose of this day since there's a lot of different types of love, but of course a lot of greedy people prefer the love of others. It sickens her, though she'd be lying if she said she isn't one of those 'greedy people'.
Driving to and from work and seeing those people with loved ones by their side made an impact on Lily's heart, she knows she's not going to have anything similar to what couples display on the streets, nor is she ready to commit to another relationship.
–
The clock ticked as its hands slowly toured between the lines, the keyboard click-clacking, as well as the traffic outside. No matter how noisy it is, Lily still managed to focus on the task that sat in front of her, frequently looking up to check the time. She checked the clock once more and it read 3:40. Lily sighed, and finally got up from her chair after hours of sitting on it. She did a quick stretch then saved up her progress on her laptop before finally cleaning up her workplace. She opened the door and walked out, pulling the door behind her after checking her office twice, three times.
Her energy is completely drained thanks to her working almost all day, and knowing the events of today, she might need to sleep earlier than how she regularly would.
She eventually reached her car, opening the door and stepping in. Took a deep breath, doubtfully peering at the steering wheel. She wasn't sure what she's supposed to do after work. Her body wants food and rest, yet unfortunately, her mind rejects whatever her body wants. Plugging in the key and starting the car, she is on her way to her destination.
After 20 minutes of driving, she parked her car on the side of a semi empty road. Slowly removing the cold, silver key from the keyhole after twisting it, opening the door and stepping out she was greeted with grass, trees and gravestone. She shut the door behind her and started to walk in a specific direction.
"Hi, dear." She muttered, as a specific slab of concrete came into her view. "Happy Valentine's Day," She smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't get anything for you. I was just..." She paused, falling down next to the grave. "Just so eager to visit you after such a long day." Her palms then made its way to the engraved writings on the stone. Brushing her fingertips against the roughness of the concrete.
"I hope you don't mind. But don't worry, I'll make it up to you soon." She smiled softly, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "I missed you so much, dear," her voice slowly started to crack, she shook her head. "It's been 2 years I know but..." Curling her knees up to her chest, and resting her head on it; she continued to lament.
"I can't help it. Every vacation, events, holidays, all I could think about is what if..." She wiped the only tear that left her eye socket. "What if you were there? what if we were spending Valentines together?" Another tear fell down her face. "It hurts waking up knowing you're not next to me anymore." Salty tears continue to stream down her face, no matter how many times she wipes it off.
"Dreaming about you and how I could've..." She paused again, catching her breath. "Prevented all of this from happening..." She hid her face on the bump of her knees. "If I was more careful..." She muttered softly. “If we just stayed at home, such an accident like this wouldn’t have happened.” She bit her bottom lip to prevent any more unnecessary noises from coming out.
"Why does it have to be you?" Lily lifts her head up to take a glance at the grave. "I'm the one who’s longing for death yet they decided to choose you..." She continues to sob next to her beloved's grave for god knows how long, she couldn’t keep track of how long she'd stayed in that spot nor does she care. She eventually calmed down after several hours, yet her heart still ached; but she proceeded to ignore it. She looked up, noticing that the sun was already setting. Lily pulled out her phone out of her pocket to quickly check the time. "Crap..."
Lily didn't want to get up from her spot knowing a tomorrow without the person she cherished will arrive. She took in a deep breath and got up from the grass, dusting herself for any bugs, dirt, or dust. She glanced down on the grave. "The world is so much duller without you" She let out a weak chuckle. "For me, at least." With that, Lily walked off to where she parked her car.
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