𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗬: "She Was Meant to Be" by Honey Grace Tolentino

 

Published by: Aliyah Margareth Imbat

Date Published: February 21, 2023

Time Published: 8:55 AM



Category: Prose

Theme: Letting go of what couldn't be given

Synopsis: To love someone fully, love yourself truthfully first. He knew he could have her and love her entirely, but he had yet to love himself; she was not what he needed.

As I lifted my head to see the night sky, the cold wind brushed my cheeks. Somehow, rose and mint wafted all over the area we were walking on.

It was hers.

How funny it was that with just that one smell, all the memories flowed like rivers in my head.

I first saw her when the petals of the Cherry Blossom trees danced as she did. I remembered when her hair gracefully swayed as she moved. She looked ethereal. She looked...as though she wasn't from this world.

My heart leaped as I suddenly heard her voice out of nowhere. That beautiful, pleasing voice saved me from drowning in my undying and seemingly endless abyss of thoughts. It was the softest voice I heard along with the gentle playing of the harp's strings. It was as though an angel was sent down for me to take me up where I could no longer feel hurt.

My ears tingled at the thought of her lips near me—my nape to be exact—as she looked over while I was doing my homework, then laughed at the mistake I would make. I knew making my heart race and cheeks flush wasn't what she meant to do, but damn my head for wanting to hug her. To be near her. To be with her.

She captivated my everything; my eyes, my mind, my heart, and my soul. She was shining. Undeniably majestic. She...she was my happiness, as well as my pain.

I felt a lump in my throat as I watched her walk farther away from me. Her arms swung around as she spun. She hummed a song that she sang the first time I saw her. While pointing up at the sky, I saw how her eyes lit up while watching the shooting stars. How I wished that it would forever stay that way. I wanted it to stay that way.

As if a needle struck my heart, I could feel the pain that those eyes inflicted. The same pain when I saw the tears fall from those orbs. When her cheeks burned red from the cold...and maybe due to utter embarrassment and...disappointment. It was the same pain when I saw how the life in her eyes died the moment I spoke. How her shoulders dropped as she walked slowly, dragging her feet on the ground, causing the snow to pile up, making her trip and fall. How she rejected my hands that were helping her up.

All of it reminded me of her. It reminded me of the things we had, whether we were happy or not.

"How long has it been since we last walked this long together?" was the only thing I was able to ask after gathering so much courage. Ah...just look at this woman. How could I not desire her? How could I not want her? How could I not love her? After all this time, she managed to give me a lovely smile. A warm, kind, caring, and straight-up wonderful smile.

"Hmm...it's been a long time since we last saw each other. It's nice to walk with you." How forgiving this woman was. "I wish I could turn back time," I muttered. She definitely heard that. Which I did on purpose. There she goes again. Even without me saying anything, she already knew. Her smile turned into something that made me feel...helpless.

Under the shooting stars, I wished. "I wish I could've talked to you better. I wished I..."

"Stop. Please. It's not your fault."

"I hurt you."

I couldn't believe myself. How silly and stupid, really. "You had to leave, Luan. It can't be helped." If only that day I was brave enough. Maybe...you would be with me. Years passed. We grew up and all. Yet here I was, still the same coward. Why could I not tell you?

I didn't turn you down because I didn't like you. Hell, in truth…

I really, really, really, really...love you...

"So, how are you and Estelle? Do you still talk with her?" I stopped typing and whipped my head up to see my colleague, as well as our batchmate, standing beside me. "Hmm...yeah. She just called actually." Funny how her name could still affect me, and five years had passed already. "She invited me to her wedding."

"Do you...still like her?"

I fell silent. My eyes automatically looked at the envelope—the wedding invitation. I looked at my chest, waiting for my heart to change its rhythm. I looked outside the huge glass window six tables away from me, waiting if I would see her in my memories dancing. I looked back at my computer screen, waiting to hear her voice again.

"Well, I've loved her for years. I haven't really thought about it." I sighed. "I guess it just faded away as time passed." With all that, I couldn't help but smile.

"I love you...but I wasn't ready to love...you. Because I know I couldn't. Not me who has yet to learn how to love even himself."

She was meant to be away from me...because it wouldn't last long. No matter how hard we try, it just wouldn't.