TW!! Suicide
‘Dear Jennifer.’
The sound of laughter filled the room. I was practicing the guitar with my friend Nathaniel. Mistakes happen often between the two of us, leading the other to laugh at the said mistake. “How did you slip up on the easiest part,” I laughed, wiping a tear that had formed. “I didn’t mean to mess it up you know.” He pouted, a minute after we both burst out laughing for no reason, not caring if anyone would hear us.
‘I’m very sorry I had to leave you so soon, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.’
Nathaniel started to cough when a car drove by, the smoke surrounding both of us. “Your city gave me asthma you know,” he chuckles. “Hey! It’s not my fault the city is like this!” I cross my arms and looked away from him. “I know, I just wanted to mess with you.”
“HEY!”
‘I’ll miss the way we would attempt to play songs on our guitars and fail.’
“Wah! It’s too hard!” I whined. Then, I heard Nathaniel sigh. “I know right.” He looked at me, having the same look of disappointment on my face. “How about we switch to another song?” He suggested, setting down his guitar before scrolling through the music sheets he had. “This one!” I said, stopping at one of our favorite songs. “Alright,” he smiled softly before grabbing his guitar again. “Let’s start.”
‘At first, I thought it was just me feeling down, nothing more.’
The other guys who were bullying Nathaniel had ran away the moment I got there. I looked back at my friend, tears from his eyes fell onto the pavement, his knees were scraped, and yet he was smiling at me. “You know you didn’t have to help me right?”
“But I wanted to, so that question is now irrelevant,” I explained quickly while grabbing wet wipes from my bag.
“Here.” I offered him one of my tissues. He took it from my hand. I started treating his injuries. “This’ll hurt for a bit, but please endure it.” I grabbed my alcohol. I sprayed it on his injuries, earning a hiss from him. “You should start telling me about these things!” I yelled at him, but it was constrained. Worry laced in my voice.
‘It just became too much one day and I just snapped.’
“Nathaniel?” I looked at him with horror, one of his bullies are on the ground, he had plenty of bruises and cuts, his lip was busted, and he was unconscious. I looked into my friend’s eyes and he had guilt and shame swimming in them. “What happened?” I asked softly, checking if he had any other injuries. “Why are you worried about me?” He asked, tears forming around his eyes. I put both of my hands on his cheeks to wipe his tears away. “You’re my friend. Yes, you may have injured one of the bullies but you did it in self-defense, right?”
He nodded, looking away from me. “We should probably call someone to get him.” I suggested, my eyes darting back on the boy who was laying on the ground. “Yeah, we should.”
‘After that day I snapped on one of them, I thought that was it. But alas, it just had to happen again.’
“Nathaniel?” I called out, after hearing a loud crash coming from the guest bedroom. I opened the door to see the window was broken as if someone threw something through it. “What happe-“ Nathaniel cut me off. He hugged me, sobbing out so many apologies. I rested my hand on his back and reassured him that it would be okay, that he would be fine.
After what I assumed was an hour passed by, he lets go and mumbled something. “So what about the window?” I smiled at him. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t we start playing the guitar to calm down?”
‘I even used to shout at the walls just to try and get that feeling to calm down when playing the guitar didn’t work.’
I leaned on the door, hearing the sound of Nathaniel’s screams. I only went to his house to return a book I borrowed from him but I didn’t expect this. I could feel him walking to the door and I sighed. It eventually opened, revealing him. His were eyes red from crying. He looked at me with shame but I reassured him that it was okay.
‘Visit that one bridge we used to go to when the both of us get tired of this world. When you feel lonely.’
I was playing the guitar loudly, sitting on the bridge me and my dearest friend used to go to. I could still feel the loneliness though. It just felt cold and empty. Not like when he used to be around. I checked the time on my phone. “9 p.m...” I mumbled, setting my phone down back next to me.
“One more song won’t hurt,” I said to myself, acting as if Nathaniel was somewhere, listening to what I was playing. Listening to what I was saying. I took a deep breath and started to sing. “Wasting your time...”
‘I would be waiting for you in the afterlife, alright? I would be watching you in the meantime.’
The sky looked greyer than usual, everything just looked... bland... or colorless. However, you may describe it. It could still make you drown in despair. I didn’t know how long it had been. Probably been two years? A lot had happened when Nathaniel left this world, and none of them were good.
Now his bullies turned on me. Now I know what he felt. It was... tiring. So tiring. I felt so bad that he had to suffer from this. Everything was too much.
‘Your Best Friend, Nathaniel’
I was once again standing on the bridge, looking down at the water below. I sat down on the railing and looked beneath me. It looked really deep. A small part of me was telling me to walk back home...to just let Nathaniel wait for me.
But the rest…
I took off my shoes and put them on the safer side of the rail. I placed the note I had in my pocket there. I took a deep breath and leaned forward, many memories flashing in my mind. I closed my eyes and whispered my last words.
“There’s a reason... why they failed.”
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