TW// murder and mild violence
Why...why would I do this…? Am I not a princess...? Princesses are supposed to be portrayed as the perfect and lovely young lass but oh, just how dreadfully wrong they are.
Blood dripped from the axe I was clutching tightly in my hand, an axe so sharp that it could cleanly cut a human head in half or even so much as literally removing it from the body, but no... I didn't do either of those things.
In front of me were the bodies of my... beloved and oh so "sweet" parents. The two people who were supposed to love and care for their daughter and accept her for who she was. Now they were swimming in a pool of their own blood, their bodies filled with clean large cuts and slashes, their faces now foul and deformed. The room stenched with the revolting smell of blood and death, their screams still ringing in my ear.
I panted and dropped to my knees, hands and clothing all bloodied. I didn't know what I was doing...I was just treated like muck my entire life in this palace, being identified as something I was not... And all that anger balled up inside me just had to be released onto the two people who made me suffer, my need and desire for revenge demanded to be fed and satisfied.
I was androgynous, and not the type that you could still distinguish that I was a woman, oh no. You would take one look at me and immediately think that I was a man without any doubts, that I was the opposite gender. My so-called parents were utterly disgusted and felt ashamed that a man-faced woman like me was their daughter. Especially since we were part of a royal family. My face is far from the "perfect" face of a princess. I was far from their expectations. As a man I look charming, but as a woman I look sickening.
And so they decided that if I looked like a boy, I would act like one too. They presented me to the public as a boy instead of a girl and demanded that I would commit myself to the act, and if I say anything, they would detach my line of succession and remove me as their child. They made me wear men's clothing and forced me to act like one, they even so much as put me up for arranged marriages with women, not giving a single damn about how I felt, this went on for nineteen years of my life...nineteen painful years.
...
I felt so powerless over myself, they were making my decisions for me...they were choosing my path, and they made sure that I submitted to their every order.
Why... ?
Why couldn't I be myself...?
Am I too weak...?
Do I had the appearance of a man but the mentality and strength of a weak maiden...?
I balled up everything inside of me and didn't dare to speak against the wishes and demands of my parents. Why? It was because I was scared. But in reality, I desired power and authority over myself. I didn't want to be treated as a slave anymore. I wanted to be free. I wanted...vengeance.
It was almost as if something clicked inside of me, all the anger I'd been keeping inside escaped. The devil inside of me was released from its cage. I didn't know what I was doing. I just found an axe and started whacking them with it mercilessly, almost like my emotions were in control of my own body. Was murdering my parents really the only way to take control over myself? When they were under my mercy, I felt...like a new person. I felt strong and superior. I felt...free.
...
I suppose... if I couldn't get the freedom I deserved, then I would take it from them FORCEFULLY. I didn't care if my rights to the throne and as their daughter would be taken away, I'd rather die than spend another minute with them, no... I'd rather go to hell then be with them, because nothing can be worse than being their slave.
I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, but perhaps...it was good, because if I was myself then, I would never have the courage to do such a brutal thing, but at least the fed-up devil inside me can. I was finally free… I have nobody taking authority over myself or my body anymore, I was finally my own person. Those nineteen years I spent as their puppet didn't have to repeat itself no more.
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