CLASSIFICATION: Prose
THEME: Friendship
SYNOPSIS: As the world grows colder, you find your only source of warmth growing an unreachable distance away from you.
—
Here is something you do not talk about; they feel farther apart as time goes by.
You've been friends since seventh grade—the best, your ride-or-die, the cup to your cake, or whatever cheesy metaphor the English Language has for the term best friend. A soulmate— not exactly the type of soulmate who's your perfect half because it sounds kind of gross, but the kind of soulmate who knows all of your disgusting habits down to the roots of their bones; the kind of soulmate who has seen you cry during a video call because you can't seem to understand a ninth grade Math problem.
They will always know you and you will always know them. From their eighth grade non-serious flings to their favorite chocolate bar; from head to toe, inside and out.
And you let yourself be known only to them.
Because they have seen you victorious, winning an essay-writing contest, but they have also seen you ugly cry about an almost failing grade in your report card. Because they have seen you be on top and be at your rock-bottom the next second; they have seen you at your worst, most hideous moments and they still always choose to stay.
Because they feel like a constant—a foundation that cannot be swayed. They have buried themselves into your life so deep that they feel like home. A concrete house, complete with the soft carpets and the smell of homemade cooking and all. They feel comfortable because they are all you've ever known.
Sometimes, you realize, knowing is not enough.
The senior high comes and you choose for yourself this time—you choose the school, you chase for your dream.
They do the same, and you're happy, you really are but—but—
It's not the same. It's not as easy as it was before.
You cannot see each other in person; you cannot slap their arm while laughing at something you find funny, you cannot go home and ride the tricycle together again as you watch the sunset, and you cannot buy the siomai you two always eat after dismissal.
So, you settle for video calls and movie nights and sending TikTok videos to each other. But activities and quizzes pile up and even if they are the same person—it just doesn't feel the same anymore. The pixels during a video call anger you more than anything because this isn't them.
And maybe this... whatever this is, aren’t you, too.
So, you let them be. You stop reaching out and they have stopped trying to mend whatever is there to fix.
Nothing hurts more than realizing you are the only one truly trying to save the friendship you have between the two of you. But, here is something you do talk about, though; letting them go is easier than holding on to whatever is left of them.
You have grown out of each other. A lot has changed and the world still feels as unforgiving as ever. Your interests have differed over the past couple of months, and maybe, your personalities have too. It's normal. That happens.
You still long for permanence after what has happened, but you have also come to realize that permanence comes in change. People come and go, the only constant in this universe is changing, yada yada yada.
There are times where you miss them, yes, but they will always know you and you will always know them—maybe not necessarily the version of them now, but the past, and who knows?
Maybe you'll know them in the future too.
—
Published by: Julianne Andrei F. Batiao
Date published: November 23, 2021
Time published: 11:47 am
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