Category: Prose
Theme: Mental health disorder
Synopsis: She was the girl they never had the chance to save, drowning with the thorns surrounding us. The place turned dark as her world ran out of spark.
CW/TW// Depression and Suicide
I never thought that the day would come and I would be sitting here face-to-face with this white blank sheet of paper. I thought it was a nice day to write this. Bright and blue sky. Serenity.
I guess it would suffice if I start introducing myself, right?
My name may not be as important as someone else’s life but it was based on the word delicate. Delilah.
Remember this. You had no fault. I chose this path of no return. I would like to apologize for how weak I became. I know I wasted a good life and the door to my bright future closed, but I was happy. I was happy when I closed my eyes.
I wanted to thank you but I know if not now, I wouldn’t be able to do this. If not now, I wouldn’t escape this suffering I was feeling deep inside as if it was embedded in my wholeness. I was a living body with no soul, a beating heart that couldn’t feel a thing. I was a brain with nothing to think about. I was an empty shell.
My world was grey, dull, and lifeless, but yours wasn’t. That was why I didn’t want you inside this prison. You didn’t deserve to be there. In this darkness. In this void. In my hollow being.
I know you would be thinking a lot of ‘what ifs,’ but please…never do that to yourself. Even if you did, it was too late. I was sorry that this would be the very first thing you would see. No, don’t cry. I didn’t deserve a single tear out of you. I know you tried to give me everything that you could hand me. I apologize. It wasn’t enough.
The world…it was not for me. I had been fighting a lot of conflicts within myself. I was born at the right time but in the wrong place. It was a very confusing journey. I didn’t want to die, yet I couldn’t find a will to live. Reasons were not a problem. You guys were here. I didn’t blame you. I didn’t even hate you. Not even once.
Thank you for all the wonderful things you showed me. Thank you for all the memories that you gave me.
The box on my table was my memory box. All the memories we had were stored inside that box. All the feelings I hid from the people that I loved. I guess it was finally the time to open it again.
I hope one day I would meet you guys again. I was happy. I chose this.
I wasn’t. I didn’t want to leave
Published by: April R. Despi
Date published: February 13, 2022
Time published: 1:36 PM
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