Published by: Bianca Madeline Oloya
Date published: January 19, 2023
Time published: 11:58 AM
Category: Prose
Theme: Scared of taking the risk.
“What if I confess my feelings to him?”
“What if I wasn’t afraid to take the risk?”
“What if…”
“You are full of what ifs, yet you are here sulking beside me without doing anything,” Ely said. She was now facing me, frowning.
“There is no sense in confessing. We are not talking anymore! It will be so weird if I just randomly message him out of nowhere and confess my feelings that I have been keeping for months!” I blurted out, gasping for air.
“Aiko-”
“No, Ely. I’m actually fine with this setup. We’re friends, there’s no awkwardness around us-” I stopped. Ely was raising one of her eyebrows like I was telling a lie. I mean yeah, but, ugh. “Okay, there is awkwardness but not that much!”
“Aiko-”
“I’m okay. I’m okay, see?” I flashed Ely a smile. It was an awkward smile but who cares?
Ely cared. Of course.
“Ely, he doesn’t…you know, like me back. If I confess it will be awkward for the both of us. He might stop talking to me forever If… If I confessed. I don’t want that to happen and you know that.”
“Aiko-”
“Ely-”
“For the love of God, Aiko! Let me finish!”
I sat in the corner like a child. I looked at Ely who was calming herself down. She was probably thinking about her happy moments in life. I still had more time to prepare myself for Ely’s words of wisdom… not. I did not want us to reach this point where she would be lecturing me about my gloomy love life. A happily in love girl was lecturing her best friend who kept ranting about the same guy for months? Think about that.
“Aiko,” she sighed. “How would you know if you never try?”
“I told you, there’s no point.”
She took my hand and sat beside me. I immediately felt comfortable when she looked at me. “I’m scared. I’m scared that what we had before may not happen again. I’m scared that he might tell people about this. I’m scared that he might avoid me. I mean, it’s fine but, I don’t know. I’m not scared of rejection. I’m just…okay fine. I am scared of rejection, especially from him.”
Ely smiled and laid her head on my shoulder.
“You know, I used to think like that, too. I was very scared to take the risk. I always thought that ‘ah, this boy will leave me again like the first one’, ‘ah, this will cheat on me, too.’ but look. Here I am, spending my life with someone who’s treating me right...I’m not saying this for you to take the risk. I’m saying this to tell you that you will never know what will happen if you never try. I know it’s easier said than done. But it’s easier to do it than to forever think of what will happen if you did this or if you didn’t. I know the outcomes will be different but it’s worth the shot.”
“What if he doesn’t like me back? What if-”
“We never know, Aiko.” She stood up and faced me with a smile on her face. “What do you want for dinner? I’ll cook.”
"Adobo," I said without hesitation.
When she left, I immediately knew what I was going to do. I got up and went to my phone. I opened the messenger app and quickly searched for his name.
“Hey, can we talk? I have something to tell you.”
Sent.
“We never know,” I uttered.
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