Category: Prose
Theme: Life, Imperfection, Character-based, Losses
Synopsis: Andre, a troubled and bitter teenager who has a bone to pick with the world. Ever since the death of his mother, Andre sought out for freedom from his problems by disobeying his father and looking for the numbness he so desperately searched in every substance he found.
//TW: SUICIDE & ANGST//
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Life was more fragile than we took it for. Nothing ever seemed to go according to planned and someone could be dead literally the next day; whether or not we held that person dear to our hearts. Maybe everything we've ever known had been a lie and we were never aware, or tomorrow we could be forced to walk away from the path we had always been on to venture on a new journey. Whatever the circumstances were, life would forever be unpredictable and even the slightest inconvenience could ruin it for one, and the choice would be up to them whether they pick themselves up or not.
Eight years ago, a mother of three died after taking her life having the little thirteen-year-old Andre to witness everything. While he along with the father were both devastated and distraught by the untimely death of a cherished loved one, Andre's little sister, Chase, was only eight and hadn't quite understood that their mother was gone. And then there was the youngest, Everleigh, who was two and barely out of diapers.
The family was from the Philippines, and they had plans to immigrate to the United States for a better future. It was what Andre had been looking forward to for several years but after losing his mother, he felt that there was no point in leaving if they weren't complete, and after what he went through, he didn't want to leave so quickly. But the father had different thoughts. Having already done all the necessary paperwork after years of hard work and wanting things to be "normal" for him and his kids, he decided to continue the migration.
It was to Andre's displeasure because he thought it was as if his father had forgotten about his mother. In reality, the father wanted nothing more than what’s best for all of them even despite struggling to move on from his wife's agonizing death. He thought that having a fresh start after everything will bring them the yearning wish of moving on.
Even as a child, Andre had always been very calm and collected. He spoke in a soft and quiet voice all the time and never seemed angry. Yet he’s very passive aggressive with his word choices whenever he’s upset. After experiencing the trauma of watching his mother depart from his life , Andre felt a faint shattering inside him. He wasn't close with his mother nor had she given him much attention growing up, as she constantly focused on his sisters, Andre didn't feel the same anymore.
Almost as if a part of him had been taken away and nothing could fill that hole. But most importantly, he was confused. Why was he devastated over the death of the parent whom he didn't have much of a relationship with? Why was he crying over it?
On the other hand, Chase was none the wiser and believed that their mother was eventually going to return to them but it took less than a month for her to realize that it wasn't going to happen. However, what bothered him the most was that her little sister was going to grow up without a mother. Chase was going to be the one to teach her the certain things a mother would because she was the only sister Everleigh had; and their brother was on the verge of losing his mind from what she observed.
Andre was displeased with his father, mad even. At that time, he was only thinking about himself and not his sisters, and most especially what he considers the best decision for them all. Andre was even more upset with his father's desire of making their lives normal when the little boy believed that there was no way that would be possible when there was already too much change.
It all happened so quickly, after all; the mother dying and the family immediately moving away from the country without a second thought. Everything was too much for Andre and he didn't know what would the future be for his little sisters who he did cared for dearly. Moreover, he didn't know what to do. Andre was in a foreign and unfamiliar country while barely being able to speak English, and he doesn’t know how to heal from the scene of his mother dying as it played like a lagging channel in his head. Andre also held a grudge against his father and had a bone to pick with the world because he believed it was the cause to all of his problems.
To cope with his losses and to fill the void inside him, Andre started to seek freedom by rebelling against his father, behaving like a delinquent for the majority of his teenage years and fought with him over the simplest things every chance he got. Not that his behavior made things better for him, hell─ it made everything worse. But to him, maybe it would help him feel better if he got his way all the time. Well, Andre knew the way he was acting was absurd and unfair for his father, he was fully aware that he’s an awful influence to his sisters, and had tried to do something about it but it always failed. Every time he tried to change, the image of his late mother flashed in his head and he reverted back to his old ways.
Andre picked fights at school, and chose the wrong people to be friends with. Once he turned fifteen, he began to date other boys behind his father's back, which every single one he had a relationship with was also miscalculated. Starting at a young age, Andre had already picked up bad habits like underaged drinking and smoking, that numbed his pain but was killing his body altogether. The world and reality were too much for him, so he sought out comfort in substances.
Hormones, Chase would call her older brother's impulsive behavior, and Andre only told her to not stick her nose into his life. His anger came to the point that Andre blamed his father for the mother's death and he didn't know himself why he felt that way. Perhaps it was because he had no one else to point his fingers at.
Once Andre was fourteen, the father felt that his son had drained the life out of him quite enough, so he got Andre into singing —again— to distract the young teenager from his "issues." Andre had years of experience with vocal lessons but had given up after moving away. At first, he snapped at his father for "controlling his life" but once he received private coaching from a new and better vocal coach, Andre found the passion he once lost and dedicated a lot of his time to practicing. Even better, it distracted him and because of it, he often sang to his sisters after a bad day. However, that was all it did and it didn't change Andre's behavior whatsoever. After practice, Andre returned to how he was. Though, something he decided to do for himself was auditioning in commercials and taking on certain minor roles in movies which he earned a decent amount of money from.
Despite how Andre was as a person, he made sure to never treat his sisters how he treated their father. The boy may had been angry at everyone but he loved his siblings, and never wished to hurt them in any way. There were times that he ran into Chase and Everleigh after finishing a yelling session with their father and all Andre did was blink at them before walking away. The only time the boy would raise his voice out of anger was with his father and nobody else.
Albeit, Andre constantly made an effort to give his sisters gifts, especially during holidays and the money he used always came out of his pocket. Chase was aware that her older brother was a troubled teenager and felt bad for him because of all the feelings Andre had bottled up inside him. However, she felt even worse for their father who tried everything within his power to just get through his son and get him to understand. The little girl didn't know where did Andre get all of his rage from but nobody ever did. It was as if Andre refused to let anyone into him and believed that nobody could ever under how he felt. No one knew just what his world looked like. And he didn't know what to do; his relationship with his father was strained and every time he looked in the mirror, all he saw was a monster who was incapable of ever changing. But rather than being someone better, he sunk deeper into bad habits and anger.
Everything changed by the time Andre was sixteen. He had just dropped out of high school after he managed to skyrocket and make headlines as an actor, thus, he saw a career in acting and realized that if he managed to have his name known just after a few years of it, then surely, he must be doing something right. But Andre dropped out without consulting with his father first. When his father did find out, he was mortified and furious at what his son had just done despite everything he did for him. To the father, Andre had crossed the line. The two had their usual screaming match as an eleven-year-old Chase and five-year-old Everleigh were upstairs in their room, trying to block out the arguing.
"YOU DEGENERATE BOY! YOU NEVER KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE THE THINGS YOU HAVE DESPITE EVERYTHING I'VE TRIED TO MAKE THIS LIFE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU! THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE MOVED TO THIS COUNTRY, SO EVERYTHING WILL BE NORMAL AGAIN!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD? MOVING TO THIS WRETCHED PLACE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID WRONG! YOU DIDN'T CARE IF WE WERE ALL STILL HEALING FROM MOM'S DEATH, YOU PACKED AWAY OUR LIVES AND FLEW US HERE AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED!"
"YOU DON'T KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG AND WHETHER OR NOT WE MOVED AWAY, YOU WOULD HAVE STILL ACTED THE SAME WAY BACK IN THE PHILIPPINES, ANDRE! I AM YOUR FATHER AND YET FOR ALL THESE YEARS, YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT DISRESPECTFUL! I FED YOU, I PUT YOU THROUGH SCHOOL, AND I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND YET NONE OF THAT WAS GOOD ENOUGH!"
"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT MY WORLD LOOKS LIKE, DAD! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING! I'VE TRIED, ANDRE! I TRIED BECAUSE I LOVED YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! I SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND YOUR SISTERS AND ALL I WANT IN RETURN IS FOR YOU TO LET ME IN SO THINGS CAN FINALLY BE NORMAL AGAIN!"
"SHUT UP ABOUT US TRYING TO BE NORMAL! AFTER I WITNESSED MOM'S DEATH, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT BEING A NORMAL FAMILY WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR US? ANY GOOD FATHER WOULD HAVE GIVEN THEIR KID EVEN SO MUCH AS A WEEK TO HEAL, BUT NO! IT ONLY TOOK THREE DAYS AFTER THE FUNERAL FOR US TO GET ON THAT PLANE! GOD! I HATE YOU SO MUCH, DAD!"
The father was pushed over the edge and as a result, he slapped his son’s face and left a light tint of red, marked on his cheek. He wasn't thinking straight at that time and didn't even realize what he did until Andre who’s fueled with rage, hit him right back way harder and during in the heat of the moment, the unruly teenager growled.
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED ALONG WITH MOM!"
Afterwards, he stomped out of the living room and up to his bedroom upstairs. Andre never meant what he said, and only blurted it out because it was the most spiteful thing, he could have thought of at that moment. But the father was horrified as he simply stood there, petrified. No words could describe how defeated and unappreciated he felt at that moment. He knew that his son wasn't the best person, but the father never took him for a monster.
The father felt as though he had failed as a parent. Not only Andre but also to his daughters because if he couldn't get his teenage son to be a good person, then what more could he do for his daughters? They both might as well had taken after their brother all because the father couldn't help him. No, that was it, he couldn't help Andre; he couldn't fix him. Andre and his father ran out of time to settle everything and had already said what was needed to be talked about. Now, the sixteen-year-old boy couldn't be "fixed." Finally, the father had given up.
On the other hand, Andre felt like he deserved to be in hell not only because of the things he said to his father but also because he always knew he’s an awful person. Andre wished he never said those things and should’ve appreciated his father; truly. He finally learned how to a long time ago but never had enough words to say. Andre hated himself all the way to the core of his soul, as he was aware he couldn't change for the better and didn't know how to. To him, he broke his chances of being a better person for his family. Andre cried in his room the same night, something he hadn't done in so long.
"God, I am such a freak, Mom..."
Later at around 2 AM, Andre's throat felt dry from his breakdown, thus he forced himself out of bed to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. But once he passed the living room, he witnessed the same sight that ruined him all those years ago. There, the father was hung by a rope on the ceiling as his lifeless eyes reflected the room where he and Andre had the argument that drove him to give up and join his wife. Andre was knocked out of his feet from the sight.
"No...Dad...I didn't mean any of it, I swear...please, just open your eyes again and I promise I'll go back to school and be a better person...please...my sisters, they need you! OPEN YOUR EYES!"
Promptly, Andre howled a scream so loud that it could almost be heard by the whole neighborhood and of course, Andre's sisters rushed down the stairs to see what happened.
“KUYA! WHAT HAPPENED?"
Andre heard Chase's screaming and in the span of a single moment, he remembered all the trauma and dejection he experienced after witnessing their mother dying and it was the core factor of how he turned out and so, he couldn't risk having his sisters be the same way. Andre scrambled to his feet and ran to the living room door before shutting it closed and putting on the lock, making sure none of his sisters came in. "Chase, Everleigh, don't come in and stay where you both are!"
Despite not fully processing everything that was happening, Andre mustered up all the strength he could and dialed 911. As they all waited in anticipation, Andre explained to his sisters that their father had the same "incident" as their mother but then assured them that he already called for an ambulance and that help was on its way, so everything would be alright. All they had to do was sit tight and not enter the living room. Expectedly, the sisters broke down into tears, knowing that they had also lost their father, the parent that now, they only had. They could have had.
Even if Andre had protected them from seeing the gruesome sight, it was still a traumatizing event for all of them, especially having the body of their deceased father in the other room, just a door apartw. Andre realized that they had no family or relatives to take them in and none as well even back in the Philippines, so he thought about where would they go.
As they sat there, Andre prayed for forgiveness from the world and swore on his life that he would change for good— as long as his sisters were kept safe. He would quit bad habits, go back to school, treat others kindly, look them in the eye, and make everything right. Andre realized just how fragile life was and how easy it was to lose someone, so he shouldn't waste it holding a grudge against the world and fighting a losing battle against himself. From then on, Andre promised he'd learn to cherish each day, ill or good, as if it were his last.
He lost both his parents, and if he continued to be the way he was, then he might as well had lost his sisters as well. Andre realized that it wasn't, in fact, too late for redemption; he was still young, and he had an entire future ahead of him. So he needed to start shaping up not only for himself, but for his family as well. After twenty minutes, two police cars arrived outside their house along with an ambulance and Child Protection Services. The body of their father was carefully brought down and with no living relatives for the children to come to, it was then evident that they all had to be taken under foster care.
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