Sunday, November 7, 2021

LITERARY: "Hope in the Desperate Future" By: Isela Ingrid D. Pabunan

 “Finally! It’s done!”

After all of the trial and error, I yelled with delight. Imagine doing the same thing for several tries. How tiresome! This was my first time so I suppose it was normal. Scanning around, there was a lot of trash. All these papers were wasted just for a simple craft. I got up and walked over to the door. Throwing the plane across the room, and outside the window was my main goal. I took a deep breath and got ready for my buddy’s flight.

“In 3,2,1... Go!”

I threw the plane with all my might but it just landed in front of me. What was the science behind this? Why wasn’t it taking off farther than how I wanted it to be? These questions got me thinking deeply. From the ground, I picked it up and launched it off again. And again… and again. Until I got to my tenth try. Fixing off its other flaps before throwing it again. There! It took off! I started jumping and laughing excitedly because, for the first time, it worked! Even if it didn’t reach the window, it was alright as long as it flew off my hands. I didn’t want my excitement to end so I did my victory dance while giggling. Footsteps... someone was coming!

I hurriedly picked up all the papers on the floor and in my bed. But It was too late. When I turned around to look behind me, there appeared Dad, standing near the door. His arms crossed and looking at me intently. My body froze for a second while my eyes still looking at him.

“Hey kid, what are you up to?”All my negative expectations faded when dad suddenly greeted me with a smile. “Airplane... I was trying to make one since earlier. ”I grabbed all of the rubbish in my arms and tossed it in the trash can. I sat with dad once my room was tidy.

“Dad, you know, I had tons of tries until my first ever paper plane flew! It was hard you know...”

At the conclusion of my statement, I pouted. To tell you the truth, it was quite difficult. I proceeded to collect my aircraft behind the cupboard after looking around. When I showed it to my father, his jaw hung wide. I hope he would approve of what I'd done.

“Good job son! Continue doing things that make you happy. Even if it takes so many tries. Don’t lose hope.”

Dad’s words got me happy and pushed me to do everything. I got fascinated to work on it better. “Even if it takes me months? Or even years? What if I got tired of doing what I want or lose interest? Will still there be a good result?”

“You see, you’ll never know unless you try. Even if your process would get troublesome at times, don’t lose patience. Results could be seen at the end, focus on your process because, with hope and faith, everything is possible. Always remember, quitting is the only failure here. Don’t stop trying! Your ideas and imaginations could get you somewhere you wouldn’t expect.”

Those words... his voice still rang in my head. Gazing at his body in the casket in front, I grasped on its handle to support my body from falling. Warm liquid escaped my eyes which dampen the glass. I would never forget the time he supported my desires.

I was in high school and things started to get difficult. Slapping my cheeks to wake up while telling me I was not a kid anymore. Dad’s death made me doubt. Whether I should pursue my original dream, or change paths where it could result in bad results.

My objective was to achieve whatever I did every day... without joy. What mattered the most was to get things done. After it, satisfaction... that I never got. I'd be lazy most of the time, and productivity would only come when I did something stupid. What will the future bring anyways? What was the point in doing everything when our only objective is to get high marks to pass?

“Daniel... I don’t think we can keep going. This isn’t working for us. I’m sorry.”

It seemed obvious to me. Her attitude has altered in recent days. Why does a girl's attention diminish so quickly, especially when we're all busy? My first girlfriend didn't last as long as I had hoped. She was not the first woman I had feelings for.

She departed my apartment after packing her belongings. I kept an eye on her while she went about her thing; she wasn't weeping or anything. Did she ever love me or did she just date me for temporary happiness? After the door got slammed shut, that was when my tears rolled down. As much as I wanted it to stop, it didn’t. It flowed down my cheeks like a rummaging stream. Everything in me was just numb, even my hands, I couldn’t feel them anymore. It took me a while to make a decision, to not bother thinking about her anymore. Just move on and everything would be alright like how it used to be.

“Hey bro! Want to ditch classes and hook up with some girls?” one of my friends suggested. I shouldn't follow, no matter how much I wanted to. A bright future was on the line; still, a few more years and everything would be worth it. Why do they keep on bothering me? We’re still in college dude, wake up! You couldn’t be doing those things yet. “Quit bothering.”

There, they stopped disturbing my study time. An idea popped out of my head, to cut ties with them. People like him would be the epitome of distraction. Everything would be alright, just take risks at this time. But no, I found myself smoking with them behind the campus.

“Congratulation’s honey! Dad and I are proud of you!”

In our video call, Mom expressed her delight. I didn't feel I deserve this. I only got here by lying to teachers and bribing. Everything I did was traced back to my person. This was the only time I realized what I'd done. Dad... please know I was sorry for everything. Sorry, I wasn't able to follow all I had only imagined before, all those brilliant ideas... in the background, I was staying with my friends in their dorm. My money was spent on useless items, causing my budget to be inadequate to pay my rent. Reaching out to my mother would be burdensome.

She would get mad after knowing all those mischiefs I did in my college years. Smoking, kissing, and doing inappropriate things were all in this place. My friend suddenly cursed, loud enough for my mother to hear it.

“Hey mom! See you next time. Sorry I have got to go.” The call ended.

I didn’t expect it to be our last communication. Several weeks after it, my mom got hit by a car. Those people in the car... were also my friends. I started to regret everything. From not pursuing up until to having the worst friends. Moving back home made me feel happy. All those memories of my family. I was the one to inherit everything. From money to the lands my parents owned. Several weeks passed while staying at our home, I got a warning from my old friends. The ones that made me terrible. They said if I didn’t bail them out, then I would be killed.

They thought I’d get scared? No, I won’t. With all the money I have right now, I could do everything to erase their existence just to make them quit bothering me.

Years have passed, and I was now completely alone. Even though I had enough cash to spend on whatever I wanted, it wasn't enough to make me happy. Donations, and financial support... I did it all to help people. I graduated with an Aeronautics degree but my current occupation is a writer. Tons of inspirational stories, but none of them reflected what I had. I want people to get to do what I haven’t, that they wouldn’t do such things to make them quit school and do trash. That wasn’t right. As time passed, technology also evolved which made it harder for me to adjust 

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